Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Randomize
