I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
