i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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