non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
