Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They took my balls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
