I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
