At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
