That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
