The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
