I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
