A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
