So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
