Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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