**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
