I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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