just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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