It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...