Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?