She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
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I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency