Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
