I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
