my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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