Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize