this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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