remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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