I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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