At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
