Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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