i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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