so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
