we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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