your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
