I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
