he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
