kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
