Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
