I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
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