she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
