they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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