I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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