so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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