what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
