If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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