I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
