I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
