Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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