guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
