so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize