adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
