I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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