just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's paint friendship bongs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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