So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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