R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
