Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
