Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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