Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
how does that bad decision feel?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
