already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The uberlube is also flammable
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
