No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
