just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
