i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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