$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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