I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize